Memory problems

So, below are instructions for resurrecting your phone from "death by washin machine":

1) Disassemble phone as far as will allow.
2) Get angry with yourself for being stupid enough to put your 5 day old phone into the washing machine.
3) Leave overnight.
4) Plug into the charger and turn on - it works! Leave on charge to generate internal heat.
5) Place on the windowsill with a battery from the phone your dog ate last week (causing new phone to be purchased) inserted, one that holds charge because it wasn't put on spin.
6) Ensure the sun is shining though the window to toast phone and internals.

Voila! The phone works and only has a small water stain on the INSIDE of the screen....

Of course, you could ensure that your dog doesn't munch your old phone, thus needing a replacement half the size that you forget is in your pocket following a torrential downpour (that you were in because you had to walk the dog...). And don't forget to check ALL of your pockets for said tiny phone.

Magic. Other gripes - the second set of forks I have bought from ebay for my wife's new handbuilt bike (stretch the truth - I am hand assembling components) don't fit. Thus requiring more forks. Arse.

That'll do for now I think....

Loafin. Pure and simple

Hello all (if anyone still reads this!). I know it has been two months, but I have had a fair bit on. Very hectic at work, ensuring everything was in order in time for summer leave, which i am now on. yes - 4 weeks off of work, with NOTHING to do. My better half is still working, precluding a sunny vacation, so I sit at home, keep the dog amused and play alot of XBox (just purchased Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon - all good so far!).

I have also had a visit from Mort, my brahim, and have had my tricky shoulder operated on. I kept dislocating it, so I have been under the knife, keyhole stylee and had it stabilised. There now follows 5 weeks of physio to regain movement and strength.

Other things on my mind, are my car. I own a Mk3 Golf GTi, one of the most overtly sporty cars I have owned. Now right now I cant drive (the shoulder), but it just isnt quite the hot hatch I was always led to beleive. A little lacking in power. May need to spice it up a bit, but not too MAX POWER...

My new job is running well - I am responsible for the reformation of a prestigious unit returning to my regiment. All goes well so far, including trying to dig into their history a little more. The World Wide Web is not the info oracle it once was, at least not when i want it to be...ebay continues to provide many unexpected finds of useful (?) things and will continue to be a financial burden.

Well, that's it for now - stay safe y'all!

Sun is shining, everyting is Irie...

At least I think that's how it goes - my West Indian lingo is a little rusty.

The sun is indeed shining - mostly - and most tings are good. The stark contrast between here and "the other place" is comforting in a way:

# Trees
# Grass
# Animals
# Birds (of the feathered type)
# Real houses
# All modern facilities.

The other place had the following:

# Rockets
# Sand
# Mortars
# Sand
# Sun (tto hot, too bright)
# Sand

And some more sand.

Bad things continue to occur there, but here is no different. Pretty high on the gross-ometer is the fact that the tic that has been attached to my dog's belly for the last 4 days (he wouldn't let me take it off), detached itself in the kitchen. Pretty minging, but that's not all. I then stood on it. SPLAT! Pretty minging. Not all - I was barefoot and the slime went a clear 6" across the floor. Still at least the tic died a painful death...

Other than the fact that the dog is blessed with the runs and I am trying to place unused items on eBay (a fairly evil site - cue link to Mort). Hard work. Ruthless de-junkification of the house continues, as well as finding things i had forgotten i had - Coca cola Spinner, Binoculars, Kodak Brownie camera (it takes film!!) and more. Some must go, some HAS to stay...

Back once again like the renegade master...

Hmmm...

I am now back in my humble abode. With my enormous dog and my b-e-a-utiful betrothed.

I am sliightly concerned that I have just seen my mate's dog for the first time in 6 months - he has a Weimaraner. Only next to my Labraweilersation (as I beleive the mix should be) he looks like a minature whippet.

Yes, the hound I left behind has grown. Long legs, glossy hair and an endless appetite (cue sexist pig joke from "The Todd" 'sounds like some other beeeatches I know - high five'!!). He is now the size of a small shetland pony. Good for me, I can hire him out at fetes!

Having returned relatively unscathed from my second desert experience (I cut my leg on the shower door) I can safely say that I will be most upset to return....

My braw, who's site is linked, sounds in a chirpy mood too - maybe he is happy for me to be back. He is also visiting me in Germany during World Cup season...

Well, I'll be off. The blog has been brightened up to reflect my change in outlook.

Laters

The giant egg timer...

Through which the sands of time are trickling at an ever increasing rate. Or so it would seem. Yup, I have days to push. My replacement is here, he is my new best friend and i even pursuaded him to buy my TV and DVD player today, for only a $20 depreciation. Alles Gut.

Soon I shall return to the Fatherland, for that is where I am unfortunate enough to be based right now, to be reunited with my dearly beloved and the Hound of The Baskervilles. Apparently he is a labrador/Rottweiller/Alsatian cross, which bodes well I think. He is slowing growing up and calming down, so the threat of cutting his nuts off diminishes daily.

Unfortunately, it turns out he hasn't really got his pet passport (bluffing fool - did he think that customs wouldn't check?) so he can't come back to the UK to visit the extended family. Instead he will have the pleasure of returning to the kennels for a short time. Now, some people would try to convince you that a kennel is just like a hotel for pets. I say crap, it is more like prison - noisy, cramped and the bitch in the next cell keeps eyeing you up and slavering suggestively...no wonder he doesn't like it. Still, I need to see my Mum and Dad and the outlaws, so away he must go.

Not much has steamed me up recently, apparently our pal Norman Kember gushed profusely at the braveness of soldiers everywhere, the TV in the office is fixed, I am going to leave soon..

But all is not well, because even at this late stage in our tour, another of us has been killed. Very sad. Hopefully, something can be fixed here that means no more people have to be killed - on any side.

I'll let you know when I am back. All of you stay safe and thanks for the support you have given me while I have been here. To my replacements good luck and stay safe, to the Iraqi people good luck with all the difficulties that lie ahead on the road to a better country. To those who wont be coming home, in the past, now or in the future, We Will Remember Them.

Put him back where you found him

So, Norman Kember didn't say thanks to the boys from Hereford for rescuing him. Or to the military in general. And he wouldn't assist in answering questions in his debrief. And he ignored Foreign Office advice by travelling to "the most dangerous country in the world" to "help the Iraqi people".

WHAT A TW*T. Feel free to insert any vowel you like, as long as it is "A".

Naive doesn't cover it. Do gooding, geriatric meddler comes close. Going to a country where he is guaranteed to get at the very least kidnapped and probably killed. Saying that if he was kidnapped, he didn't want a military rescue. OK, so you fancy a few years in an Iraqi hovel? I think this place sucks and I generally steer clear of the locals - they smell and they don't live in fantastic conditions. To be held by them, blinfolded and probably likely to be slotted isn't on my list of to do's. To then ask to be freed by peaceful means is bloody stupid.

To then not be grateful is ridiculous. How much effort did he think UK PLC would put in to finding him? How many peoples lives put in danger to find the dodgy old punter?

Fella's, pick him up from Pinner (or wherever he lives). Fly him back. dump him and we'll see how quickly his "Faith" and "peaceful means" get him out of the mire.

END OF TRANSMISSION

38 days and a wake up....

Yes, that's right. Less time than it took for the big JC to be reborn or something like that.

Then I will be out of here....

Of note, a recent VIP visitor (you watch the news - he's Scottish and has "Defence" in his title) came to visit. Now, while I am nowhere near important enough to visit, I am not saddened by this. He visited our HQ on a sunday *BOO!*, he arrived at 0745 *BOO!*, he then proceeded to ask how long the people he had met had been out here *HISS!*. Hmm, i wonder. Given that you were directly responsible for sending us, it does not fill me with confidence in your political abilites...

Good to see that England and the other home nations are pulling in the medals in the Commonwealth Games. Remind all the others that the Motherland still has it in her to produce winners.

I shouldn't spend too long on here actually. I was caught by my boss earlier, who was in a bad mood. He appears to have morphed into some kind of T100 Terminator. His mission is to destroy every officer in this department, leaving no soul untarnished. If we dont die, we are to be made to work until our eyes dribble out of our head as useless liquid, ebola stylee. Nice. Guantanamo Bay interns take note - you have it easy. I even like the colour orange, but not the colour of my daily attire. HARRUMPH.

Saw a Desert Fox the other night - he was pretty cool, and other than the mouse that i caught in my room (pesky nugget kept eating all my stuff) and the sparrow, there has been a drought of wildlife. Not too surprised though - I only live here because I wouldn't be paid else....oh and I think I could be court martialled, which is bad.

Reading a good book - SilverFin. Best described as James Bond - the school years. Written by Charlie Higson of Fast Show fame. Very Good.

Rainbow Six 3 is keeping me glued to the XBox and I did a 10km "Fun" Run for Marie Curie Cancer Charity. Well 2 out of 3 isn't bad - it was 10km and I ran....

Speak soon y'all